This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
