I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
this boner is exhausting
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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