I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
