I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
