Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
