you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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