just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Say something about gay babies.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
