I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
