You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
