twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
either way he was missing a nipple.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
