dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
