I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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