my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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