But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
