alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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