I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
