I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
