Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
