Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
