Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
