yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
