Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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