I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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