I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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