Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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