ugly people sure do ruin things
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
