i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
