Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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