I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
