When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
