You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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