I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
