I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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