I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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