Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
