I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
please don't ironically join a cult
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