writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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