so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
