he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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