you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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