I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
