having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
