I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
