can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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