He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
