Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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