Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
