No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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