Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
