She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
