Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
