The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude i'm inner monologue high
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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