kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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