Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think my vagina is haunted
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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