I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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