I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
This house was built for laser tag.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
