I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
